SECRETS OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE
Dr. Ibrahim B. Syed
Islamic Research Foundation International, Inc.
7102 W. Shefford Lane
Louisville, KY 40242-6462
It is better to be married than staying single. Hence Allah created Eve or Hawwa for Adam. The risks are high for singles-longevity and health problems and the insurance premiums are high for singles.
Love commits suicide on the night of Jalwa (nuptial night) or after the honeymoon, because Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
For a lasting marriage there should be a common interest.
The couple should soon discover a common interest and a common goal. Raising children is an excellent choice to focus on the common interest and goal. As parents the couple should nurture them with the best. One could be one step ahead. Make the children to excel parents in everything- both TANGIBLE AND INTANGIBLE. Tangible means that you can touch and feel. Intangible examples are: Education, knowledge, spiritualism, Character, pain, pleasure, etc. In short parents should have a goal of making the children to have a better life than themselves. One father's words of wisdom to his daughters "Education is your real husband and your profession is your real husband". These assets are intangible and are better than tangible things. Parents blessed with foresight and wisdom strive to make each generation to excel both in education and profession. If a grandfather is a high school graduate, and father is a college graduate, the grandchildren should earn a graduate degree or a doctorate degree. Parents should aim to see progression of status and achievements from one generation to the next.
In North America without the wisdom and guidance of our elders it is a big challenge to make our children to excel us.
Back home if children go astray the parents are blamed. On the other hand if children do well the credit goes to the parents.
Greatest satisfaction for parents is when children do better than the parents such as when they earn a terminal educational degree, better income, status, etc. Similarly for a teacher the greatest satisfaction is when the student excels the teacher in qualification, status, job, etc.
Subsequently one should develop a philosophy "IT IS BETTER TO GAIN THE LOVE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND LOSE THE RICHES OF THE WORLD, THAN TO GAIN THE RICHES OF THE WORLD AND LOSE THE LOVE OF YOUR CHILDREN"
Many of us living in Western countries are entangled in the rat race and have little time for our spouses and children.
Some parents have doubts. When they invest so much into their children's future, they doubt if the children would care them in their old age or if they would respect them.
Some parents comment at seeing good children "Your parents are lucky to have you", and the good child would immediately reply, " I am lucky to have my Parents".
When children go to college interviews they face difficult questions. One of the questions asked is "Who is your Hero?" As parents we expect their reply would be a war hero, political leader, religious leader, etc. But to our surprise, our child would reply, "My Hero is my Father". This reply deeply touched the heart of the parents.
Some of our children, particularly daughters continue to live with their parents. As you know in America children want to live separately after age 18, even though they may be living in huge mansions of their parents.
Children need the right amount of love, discipline, guidance, communication, involvement and parental TIME.
Each family has family values, moral and ethical standards. We expect our children to follow them strictly. One of our friends' sons at age 25 married a lowly educated American white Girl. There is nothing wrong in marrying an American girl, but she already was a mother who had two daughters out of wedlock. Another young Muslim physician married his late patients' American white widow who had two daughters. Love is blind.
It is a blessing from Allah (SWT) to have children who admire and practice Islamic values in the Western countries.
Secrets of a Happy Marriage:
The secrets of a happy marriage are High Fidelity or Faithfulness and TRUST.
The married couple should learn the art of compromise and it usually takes years.
The largest parts of compromise are openness to the other’s point of view and good communication when differences arise.
It is important to remember that affections and courtesies must flow back and forth between both partners. “You have to have a deep respect for each other,”
“A happy and successful marriage is based on equality. When one or the other dominates strongly, intimacy is replaced by fear of displeasing.”
With work and persistence, and commitment on the part of both partners, a marriage can be long lasting and successful, ultimately becoming like a favorite sweater (A husband and wife, to paraphrase the Qur’an, are garments for each other.), soft in just the right places, and worn with such love and ease that even the grayed spots are comforting and familiar.
Successful Married Couples grow with each other.
It simply isn’t wise to put any person in charge of your happiness. You must be happy with yourself before anyone else can be. You are responsible for your actions, your attitudes and your happiness. Your spouse just enhances those things in your life.
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