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Finding marriage remains difficult

anyone who knows me, knows that for some time i have been in search of a wife. that search has taken place at masjids, the internet, run ins at stores and shopping malls. each search has not led to marriage.

there are three factors that i definitely know why marriage may be elusive for me. so i will state them and build on from there.

1. although i consider myself to be good looking, the fact that i am overweight may cause some women to not find me desirable even if i have a handsome face. that aspect of my life needs to be improved and i am working on it.

2. even though that many muslims claim that islam isn’t racist, many muslims tend to be racist. which means that a pious muslim brother may be denied a woman’s hand in marriage solely due to their race. this happens even though the Prophet (SAWS) spoke about the equality of man and the dangers of racism. sadly, i have been a victim of this type of racism.

3. the next reason is really the saddest part for me. my inability after all of this time to make muslim friends has had a great effect on me. i have never been able to connect with my muslim brothers past the lineups for the salat. many times the only time that i am given a salaam is during the taslim, and sometimes that doesn’t even happen. this inability to make friends at the masjid has taken away my opportunity to network. to ask around if their are any sisters seeking marriage etc. it has also made me hesitant to even ask because if the people aren’t even willing to say AS SALAAM ALAYKUM what would make me think that they would give their daughter’s,sister’s niece's hand in marriage?


the internet is pretty much where i have been doing a great deal of my searching. and in this search i have been very troubled. i am familiar of the hadith that says if a man finds one bad quality in his wife, she would have a good quality to replace the bad one. i believe that saying is true, but what if there are 10 bad qualities? my happiness is also important.

So i began searching on myspace, because almost everyone has a myspace page, including muslims. i couldn’t believe some of the things that some of the sisters are doing on that website!!! if their parents had seen the things, they’d have a heart attack. they’re wearing makeup, rap music playing in the profile, some have taken off their
hijabs, have boyfriends their parents don’t even know about. it’s unbelievable. i made my search pretty much for the region that i am living in and there were about 300-450 women that i searched and only about 10 of them were truly living an islamic life. sadly, the few hundred that weren’t living islam have fallen into the american traps.

i also went to islamic marriage sites.
I want to state very clearly that if a Muslim woman isn’t wearing hijab, i automatically rule her out. I tell you the truth, i can count on my hands as to how many sisters actually wore hijab. They were showing cleavage, low skirts and shorts etc. i asked myself: they’re Muslim? it was so discouraging and disappointing beyond words. i was more angry at the people running these sites more than anything, because they were not being run according to islamic standards.

i have always been good in maintaining sabr, but it’s running out for me. the fasting, lowering gaze, trying to master my hormones, and trying to keep myself from falling into a sinful relationship or encounter. it’s becoming harder and harder to do. I've become jealous of others that are married and have children. especially those Muslims that i know aren’t practicing the deen. I've been doing everything right and i can’t get what i want. it’s becoming unbearable and i don’t really know what to do anymore. Maybe i should just give up on the whole idea. I'll just have to settle with being an uncle or just accept that marriage isn’t something that ALLAH SWT has planned for me.
nyere Kareem

Allah SWT is the provider.


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