Friendship versus principles?
Monday, October 27, 2008
I have had gone through two (2) bittersweet memories last Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It took place at a different mode, emotion and momentum.
Now, the events had completed. But, the effect of Friday's event lasts tremendously shaky. The latter refers to the Friday's evening get together debate (also known as the Semarak Debate 2008).
The idea was originally mooted out by Hasmiron, and further
supported by Danny. I remembered, the idea of having a debate on "Datuk
Siti Nurhaliza" "whether or not she is a Diva?" - being the
subject matter and topic, was intact in my e-mail correspondence Whilst I was
I studied my LLM in 2006/2007 and graduated.
And Hasmiron pursued his Masters in the
After several months, friends have been asking on the status of the debate. Initially I was not in a favourable position to take a leap; or to attempt in giving my support. But, the attempt was made possible to make myself involved voluntarily to Hasmiron, Danny and other friends. The main reason is: get-together, having to affirm our friendship, develop engaging discussions - whether formally and informally. Same goes to having new friends around. Thanks to Hasmiron and Zack in meeting us with new friends from Malacca.
So, words of mouth, e-mails, sms(es) reached everyone's lists - mostly closed circle of friends and new friends - who attempted to know us closely. I purposely voluteered to work with Ed in organising and hosting it. It was quite sometime I did not cook, host or organise - with the enduring hope that - it could recapitulate our common get together that we used to host since 2004 and 2005.
On Friday, I took emergency / compassionate leave. It was
the most beautiful news that I had received (my brother's wife delivered a cute
and adorable baby girl - weighted 2.95kg). So, on that day, I took the effort
to do lots of background work; besides visited my brother and peeked the baby
girl, Ed, Tajul and I went to Bangsar for some shopping. Last Thursday's
evening, I had bought the gift for the winner, at the costs of RM325, a branded
Swatch (Swiss) watch. Then, in the Friday afternoon, went to
I purposely revealed the sum of monies here. It is naturally intended; as to signify how I appreciate friendship, thought and get together. It does not connote that I am buying friendship through monies or poser or show off. But, I believe with Allah's message; "that the more you give, the more rewards you will get". It's neither a philantrophic message, but a sincere message to my bloggers' friends that; I also do have feelings when it comes to organising, hosting, shopping for groceries, entertaining as well as cooking.
Then, on that Friday evening, I cooked, with the assistance of Fendy and Aidil, both from Malacca. Whilst cooking, friends started to come; earliest one was Mus, and then Hasmiron and later, accompanied by others. I was so happy to had seen them with hopeful anticipation for the debate. A new friend; Aadi also came. Others came quite late.
Whilst cooking the fourth (4th) dish, Aadi came to the kitchen and said: "Hasmiron has already gone back". I asked him: "Are you sure?why?" He just kept quiet and went outside. I went to the well-decorated and adorned living room, set by Ed, and asked Izal: "Where's Hasmiron?" Izal said: "He has gone back". I went out and asked Zack: "Where's Hasmiron?" Zack said: "He has gone back"
It was a mixed up feeling, and I started undermining myself and the action dampened my attempt to cook the fourth (4th) dish. I was not satisfied, again, and went to the living room; again, telling Zack and Izal: "Both of you should be able to manage this situation please, I am very occupied with cooking, and I will be the judge as well, so, I should not interfere with this issue (knowing the fact that, in mind, Hasmiron is a man with his designed-yet-non-tolerable principles)". Then, I went inside.
Whilst cooking the dish, I was not in a mood. I was a little bit sober, exhausted and very much down. All of the efforts have had been thrown in the drain - as if that there was totally no sense of appreciation on what I had had done. Not that I wanted or demanded an explanation. But, the courtesy of affirming that principles were totally divided to dead end. I questioned: "Was that because of my mistakes?" and I questioned "Was it because Hasmiron was too emotional?" and again I questioned: "Was that because Hasmiron was a man of principle, in which, he tends to ignore his other friends' values, principles of courtesy, sincerity, thoughts and so on.." Many assumptions lingered. And I failed to get the answer.
Walking away just like that was not a solution.
The issue here; is between Hasmiron's principle; of punctuality; and the fact that Danny who was quite well-known with his weak punctuality - resulted to an end of friendship.
When Danny arrived, he was astonished. Other people were astonished as well. Almost twenty (20) friends - read my lips - twenty (20) people attended, Reena too, attended though she was quite late. Mus also was slightly astonished - though he was deemed to be regarded as Hasmiron's close frtiend. Nazrul too, (Hasmiron's cousin, was shocked).
Everyone was shocked to the maximum. But, I was totally down and sad.
It was the first time I did not finish cooking, throughout my cooking life, for friends in a get together session. It was also the first time, I almost threw out the sizzling union, whilst talking to Zul Akman and said: "Please Zul, I am not in the mood to talk about these things"
It was also the first time, or perhaps, the last time, for me to be involved with an event of this nature - by looking into Hasmiron's non-tolerability principles, values and affirmation on "punctuality". I respect that. But, sincerely I am sad. I am astonished. I am perplexed. I wondered. I was confused. I was hopeless.
I stopped cooking. It was an incomplete dish. Unwantedly, put it aside and went to the living room. I regretfully announced: "Since that Hasmiron has walked away, on behalf of the Jury I decide to proceed with the debate". There are two (2) options now. First, is to debate between Danny and Zul. Or, second, to continue it by Danny alone, with the participation of others. With majority and consensus, and show of hands, they decided to convene the "close-small-event" to a forum.
I judged. I analysed. I observed and I appraised. It's one (1) sided, so to speak. Danny was the clear winner. Mus received the best audience participation, same went to Reena. Zack received a momento, being the Master of Ceremony. It's totally akward. But, the show has to go on.
When the debate completed. I received an sms from Hasmiron - it was an apologetic note. I read, but I chose not to reply because I was hurt. The get together was quite fine, despite of the friendship debacle. Whilst others pondered why Hasmiron reacted that way, I have my reservations. This time, I reiterate:-
a) Principles from any schools that one has to preach, or are preaching or have been preaching are indeed an immaculate teaching. The question is; what about taking into account other friends' hearts and emotions through a "walk away"? Is that a taught principle? (emphasis added) Granted that Hasmiron wins on principle of punctuality, to the extend, leading to his "defined and qualified conclusion - on true colours of friends", nevertheless, Hasmiron fails to appreciate my principle of being corteous;
b) I am a man who is easy to forgive, but once forgiven, I share my wisdom on friendship, as much as I appreciate this life. If to apply many of my defined, or perhaps, unwritten principles, I will have no friends. I have weaknesses. Other friends have weaknesses too. And I started to realise that one's weakness immaculate the other one's strength. Danny's weakness in weak time management and punctuality complements Hasmiron's strong time punctuality; if a phone call from Hasmiron to Danny - will solve that - at the point he discovers potential weakness, and that - willl potentially results to a "non-walk-away incident";
c) I believe in emotions and sensitivities. The walk away by Hasmiron affected and touched my sensitivity endlessly that night. Also, to Ed. Also, to others who had had realised how we wanted that event to be successfully organised. When I received Hasmiron's sms, I tried to blame myself whether was it because of my stupidity of not jerking or harrasing or asking Danny to be punctual? I was confused. I, too, have emotions, and have been modestly behave alike of a matured and sensible adult;
d) A forgiven hand shake by Hasmiron last Sunday morning, behind my car - was sincerely, almost baked one by myself. I accepted the apology openly, but since the timing was very much limited, I paused and abandoned to letting him now how would I have felt. I said: "I would want to discuss with you in a separate session". Thanks to Kak Ana. Kak Pah and Kak Zana. I, then, worked with Hasmiron, professionally for the Master of Ceremony's text - eventhough I was still hurt. If Hasmiron, acted the way I accepted his apology - during the time Danny called, and sms(ed) him last Friday night; "I would predict that, even if it was deemed half-baked one by Hasmiron, at least, there will be some cautious consideration for him to give Danny a second chance to correct his mistakes; and
e) I am not at Danny's side or Hasmiron's side. I am an objective minded, professionally driven, yet cautiously diagnose what's the root cause of a friendship problem. Danny has his own attitude, mistakes and weaknesses. I think, Hasmiron too. Others too, have their mistakes of not being good enough - to be a strong reminder in punctuality. But again, the Semarak debate is for a casual get-together, tete'-'a'-'tete' and many things. But, it turned to be a lesson of: "friendship versus principles"
A friend, after Thomas's wedding last Sunday mentioned this: "Since the wedding couple arrived late, why Hasmiron did not leave the function when he co-mc(ed) the event with Noris?" Where's his principle? After that utterence, I analysed that: Allah has made me think, and perhaps, the question will make Hasmiron think as well.
That statement made me ponder, and resulted to this writing. And to Hasmiron, I am sorry, without informing you on my unavailability to being present at your open house cum "Beyond P Ramlee Project" event - due to my principle that' "When I am hurt, I will be keeping myself drifted apart, quiet" And I am also sorry that if this writing tarnishes your dignity or anticipatedly leading to slanderous claims, but as a friend, I deserve the "principle" right to revealing on how I had felt.
Truthfully and heartfeltfully, ending a friendship is not an
amicable solution. It's cancerious. I remembered when you once shared with me
about the "Khutbah Jumaat (sermons of Friday prayer)" that you
listened attentively in a Mosque at
I was touched, fatigue and hurt.
And I pray Hasmiron will dwelve into anticipated or potentially open heart and mind.
Note: Noriswadi Ismail attempts to find the "torturable principles behind such friendship" if he has the time to indulge with the philosophy. He always believes in give and take via friendship. He, too has sinful mistakes in his friendship, yet, he learns from the mistakes and improve to being a better one, or at least, the best. In a way, this recent friendship debacle, has cautiously warned him many indirect, unwrittenable thoughts.
Posted by Wadi: at Monday, October 27, 2008
wow!! i think this is the longest posting from u..very clean n clear..hehe.i think most of our freinds agreed with you dear...i support what ever you do,think and react.This is what we call "friendship"..
your princess reena said...
Since i think i have been banned from that friend list, i am going to be open about it and concurred with you.
For me, compromise will be the key for a lasting friendship.
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